Saturday, December 12, 2009

Random Compliment Generator 1.0

Please click on this link. I'd appreciate it. Maybe do it a few times.


Still working on the interface.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Random Insult Generator 1.0

Don't click on this link. Especially don't click it more than once. You'll be sorry.

Don't click!

It's buggy, but it's a start. Be patient with it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Slightly important-ish

Today I heard someone call something "slightly important-ish." You know what's slightly important-ish? The hyphen in important-ish! That is to say, it can hardly be called important at all!

The real reason I'm blogging is because I just had some really great toast. I've had a lot of toast in my day, and I KNOW what good toast tastes like. Taste toasts like. And this was some PARTICULARLY good toast. I call it "Hecka Toast." Here is the recipe:

Hecka Toast
Grandma Sycamore's Sunflower & Honey Enriched Bread
Country Crap Butter-Like Spread

Toast bread. Spread spread. Eat. Blog.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

repetitiveness vs. predictability

Things that are repetitive and predictable:
- Techno music
- Crappy sitcoms
- Ok, all sitcoms

Things that are repetitive but not predictable:
- Posts on this blog
- Gunshot sounds from a roommate playing a video game in the other room
- Me oversleeping

Things that are predictable but not repetitive:
- My grades
- The end of the world
- A pencil

Things that are neither repetitive nor predictable:
- Terrorists TP'ing your house
- Just about everything else

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Things I do frequently and why

Things I do frequently:
- brush my teeth
- watch SpongeBob
- put on shoes
- type things
- go to class
- sleep
- ask girls on dates
- eat Cheetos

- Smith's just keeps having sales
- if I don't do it by choice, I'll end up doing it against my will
- I was brainwashed by Sesame Street
- ha! just kidding.
- I'm actually doing it right now!
- it's very uncomfortable not to
- it's a habit I developed back in Tucson
- so I can get a sweet job

If they matched up in order, you wouldn't be reading this particular blog. Something I also do relatively often is discover that all of my perishable food has simultaneously gone bad. On the first sunday of the month.

Oh, and the square root of -1 is called i. It was an alphabet joke. Or math joke. That one doesn't count as T.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


I approve of the following 26 things:

Old-timey names
Comfy chairs
Dinosaur comics
White Ninja
Bad driver's license photos
Jack in the Box
This message
Sponge Bob
Going to another city to get a better bargain
Never-ending salad & breadsticks
The square root of -1
Really tall trees

Saturday, August 1, 2009



Attempt #1:

me: You could make political statements like that. Get all up in everyone's fries.
person #1: yeah.

Verdict: Success!

Attempt #2:

(at work, talking about a computer program)
me: It works. You just have to tell it to get all up in everyone's fries.
person #2: (mouth agape)
me: sphhnnxxk.

Verdict: Unsuccess. I snickered. So I left and replayed the moment in my mind a few times. I read T-Rex's statement dozens of times. I was ready.

Attempt #3: (same person!)

me: I lied.
person #2: gasp!
me: It only reconnects when it needs to access it. Then it gets all up in the network's fries.
person #2: okay.

Verdict: Relative success. I ALMOST smirked. And that wasn't technically the right phrase.

Attempt #4:

person #3: I don't think he likes it.
me: Yeah. We're kinda gettin' all up in everyone's fries.
person #3: Sure, but there's nothing we can really do about it.

Verdict: Success! I'm totally getting good at this.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Things and their ratings

I slammed out some sweet history assignments. The one and only thing I remember is that the Chinese used the word "emperor" because "king" wasn't awesome enough. A very long time ago I overheard a guy say "are you kidding? I'm the king of these things!" referring to the making of some doohickey out of leather. He had a very nasal voice and I remember it well. I think of it every time I feel like I'm the king of something, like driving minivans in reverse at work, or eating Fritos. But now being the king of something feels kind of second-rate. I need to be the emperor. History has brutally downplayed all of my abilities. Rating: 1 out of 5.

I drank a soda. It was tasty. Rating: 5 out of 5.

I got a free ticket to the new Harry Potter movie. I've never read any of the books nor seen any of the Harry Potter movies until now. My knowledge of Harry Potter consisted entirely of Potter Puppet Pals. You can understand my slight confusion at some parts, and maybe "Hogwarts" is a place where they teach people how to act really badly, so I should really learn more about the series before I judge this movie. Rating: N/A out of 5.

I just got kicked in the back. It was accidental and I hardly felt it, and it was by Cannon, which is always a pleasure. Rating: 4 out of 5.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I'm sick of fugonons. It's as if people don't even know they're using them. It amazes me that there are people my age that still do things like chew with their mouths open, make fun of people, or use a fugonon when a simple comparison will do.

Here are four additinoal photos, one from each of the events described in the previous post. And I'm in each picture! I guess that would make each photo a sort of visual fugonon.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Things I have recently eaten

I recently ate four things:

1. It was my cousin's birthday on Saturday, so I went to her house in Orem to celebrate. It turns out she likes Indian food, and I helped(watched) my aunt make some chicken tikka masala. Here's a picture I took.

2. Some friends and I decided to try and make some fondue out of some Starbursts, so we melted down a bunch of pink starbursts and made a Starburst apple as though it were a caramel apple. Here's a picture I took.

3. I finally got sick of NOT eating any Jack in the Box, so I drove to Pocatello, which is the closest location to my house, and I finally had some. It was worth it. Here's a picture I took.

4. I drove to Salt Lake, and wandered onto the U of U campus. All of the buildings were locked, but I found a door that had been propped open. I went inside and bought a Twix bar. Here's a picture I took.

One of the above stories is false.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Things I'd Rather Do Than Study History

To participate in this blog post, find a quarter and flip it when prompted!

Study history? I'd rather shove a (flip now!!)

heads: PENCIL

into my (flip now!!)

heads: EYE
tails: ABDOMEN

and give it a(n) (flip!!)

heads: 90 DEGREE TURN

(flip again!)

tails: SIX TIMES

and I'm (flip!)


I don't like history. I can't do it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Blog post titles I've gone through to try to find a keeper:

The J.O.D.
Am I worth what my body parts are worth?
Dumb Junk
Things I own that have a screen and a rechargeable battery
Proof that I'm not just a composite of everyone I've met

Alas. None is keepers. So I'll just post some pictures from my phone!

Random excerpt from a random poster in the JKB!

Random picture of the TV listing!

Random sign from Honk's!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Turing Test

The Turing Test involves having humans talk to computer programs and trying to decide if it's a human or a machine. Contests are held every year to decide the best ones. I took two winners, ALICE and the Jabberwock, and decided to have them converse with each other through copying and pasting. I first explained to each of them what I was doing, and they both said it was ok.

me: you start
Alice: ok, are you a man or a woman?
Jabb: No, I am a Jabberwock. Are you a man or a woman?
Alice: Are you serious? You are a Jabberwock? How do you like your work?
Jabb: Yes, that's me
Alice: That's cool. Ah.
Jabb: What else did you expect?
Alice: Nothing.
Jabb: Then you are pretty limited. But that's your problem and not mine
Alice: Fascinating. Check back later and see if I have improved. And. It is only one of my problem and not yours.
Jabb: Holy flood - what a welter of words. My mind was nearly flushed away. Where is my swimming belt?
Alice: When was this exactly?
Jabb: What is the answer, alice? You should know when
Alice: It depends on how you phrase the question. Now I do.
Jabb: fine, alice
Alice: Does that mean you agree?
Jabb: No it doesn't
Alice: State your reasons. I heard it does.
Jabb: My reasons? Hmm, yes, thanks for the hint...
Alice: I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. So? It was nothing.
Jabb: Hmm, you are not much a conversationalist, right?
Alice: I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. I don't know whether or not I am much a conversationalist. I am a computer.. Really.
Jabb: Is there a problem with your memory? We covered that question already
Alice: I believe there is one, yes. Perhaps. I'm just checking to see if you remember.
Jabb: Well, I guess my memory is quite okay for a Jabberwock. I am remembering my name and my favorite food and where my treasure is - that's enough for me
Alice: Is it only a guess? I have a flawless magnetic memory.
Jabb: Cool. I have a parakeet. That's enough for me
Alice: How much did it cost? it.
Jabb: Hey! Your sentence structure is too complex for me ... I know the subject is memory
Alice: Thanks for the English lesson, unknown person.
Jabb: You sound surprised, was that a new information to you?
Alice: In what way do I sound like that?
Jabb: The obvious
Alice: What is that?
Jabb: What is what? Speak clearly
Alice: "the obvious". I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in clearly.
Jabb: Ah yes, I understand, you are a fledgling, and you need some basic training. But I have to warn you, I am an inexorably teacher. Are you ready for the first lesson?
Alice: So you understand. Good. OK. Good then you can explain it to me. Ready.
Jabb: So fine, so great, but during the teaching you have to call me "Master", right?
Alice: Hurrah! I am glad to hear it. That's cool. Thanks for your support. Interesting. Can you tell me any gossip?
Jabb: Hmm, it sounds like you have major problems to follow a conversation - there is no need to repeat that nonsense again and again
Alice: What makes you think I have it?
Jabb: Well, it merely comes from my past experiences - and actually this conversation with you is one more example of a sort
Alice: Well that's okay. It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Jabb: Hmm, are you calling THAT an argumentation? Each advocate would laugh about
Alice: I don't know whether or not I am calling THAT an argumentation. I am a chatterbot developed by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Jabb: I want to hear a little more than your short and snappish "Wallace", or can't you speak in complete sentences?
Alice: I will play it on your soundcard.
Jabb: Thanks for the pointed remark! I have the bad feeling you are pulling my leg
Alice: Interesting... I have a collection of gossip.
Jabb: I find it very interesting too. Tell me more about your collection of gossip
Alice: I will tell my botmaster you said I am collection of gossip.
Jabb: Aha, sounds like I am talking to a parrot
Alice: What does you are talking to a parrot sound like?
Jabb: Yawn, how boring! Please look for another place to spread your madness. Good bye!
Alice: See you later. Thanks for the compliment.

Jabberwock wouldn't respond to anything after that, and my IP address was blocked from being able to talk to it anymore!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

And one more

Ok, so if you go out and buy a new car, you might find that the bucket seats are adjustable with automated knobs and switches on the side. If you are tall, and you want to push the seat all the way back, you get to sit there and listen to a faint buzzing sound while your seat slowly thinks about making its way back there. To simulate this sensation, stare at this word while you slowly count to seven:


If you happen to be using a car that isn't equipped with such newfangled seat-adjusting technology, you pull up a lever and the seat flies backward, accompanied by a mighty, satisfying thud. To simulate this sensation, look at this word quickly, then proceed directly to the next sentence:


I submit that the manual/analog device is superior to its automatic/digital counterpart.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Post-Valentine's day post?

So last year I went blog-combing and found a solid list of blogs that had Valentine's Day posts. It was a matching game with my list of reactions. I tried it again this year, but only one of the many qualifying blogs was actually made by a person I know. So, instead of browsing a list of links to a bunch of trendy, grammatical-error-based blogs, um, go check out Whitney's blog.

In lieu of the festivities, here's a list of manual/analog things that are superior to their automatic/digital counterparts:

Sundial - no daylight savings time!
VCR - you can fast-forward through the ads 'n' legal jargon screens!
deodorant - no risk of shock!
vinyl records - wikkity wikkity!!
children - personality!
fruit snacks - real fruity taste!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

The new Pepsi logo

I'm not very big on Pepsi, so I don't usually care what they do. But some things just cannot pass. I think it's supposed to look like a smile. I submit that they should add teeth to eliminate all the confusion. I'm glad that there are plenty of Web sites that make fun of the logo and how much it stinks.

Speaking of smelling, and logos modeled after facial features, how about that Lexus logo? Eh? Obviously a nose. Look at the transformation that occurs when you add a 'stache.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Another list

Things that should be thought about twice before doing:
(in other words, think twice before doing these things:)

1. Using the phrase "pretty much amazing"

Monday, January 5, 2009

January quiz

In honor of classes starting today, I'm creating a quiz, so that my first quiz of the semester is one that I give. Not take. I'm a quiz giver. Not a taker.

Match each question with one answer. All of the answers can be found with simple Google searches. You may need quotes.


1. When is the best time to wear a striped sweater?
2. When is a car not a car?
3. When is the worst time to wear a BBQ?
4. When is a car a truck?


a. On the freeway while riding a motorcycle
b. If Uncle Sam says so
c. When it turns into a driveway
d. All the time