Alan's first adventure!

Introducing the adventures of Alan! In his debut episode, we see Alan in a true story of when he built up enough courage to call a girl up! Names have been changed.

Click the image for bigger, more adventurous viewing!

The Law of Forsythe

Forsythe knew what he was talking about.

I was reading Cannon's blog and realized that I am entirely unable to produce readworthy words. So the least I can do for the 3 people that read my blog(you know who you are. I know who you are.) is provide some helpful information that could easify and reduce their tedious daily errands.

Information I could provide and the work I am saving people by providing it:

1. The inside scoop on what I think about people -- purchasing and planting spy cameras, mikes, and other reconnaissance shiz, plus all that wasted time sorting through the irrelevant information

2. Definitions to common yet confusing or unknown words -- embarrassment in everyday conversation, all that time sifting through an actual dictionary

3. Spice garden tips -- years of research and experience

4. These are all terrible ideas -- yeah

5. Occulent history facts and inspiring passages of text that make you want to be a better person -- a visit to Council Bluffs' blog

6. A picture of us when we went to the theater to watch Ocean's 13 -- wild card!! None of you even knew that you wanted to see it!

I may be on to something.

Some crap I learned

adapted to nature-based metaphors:

1. Bears scratch their backs on tree bark because it's abrasive. Trees can be as abrasive as they want, but it'll only make bears want to scratch their backs more.

2. There's just no pleasing some people. I mean... flowers.

3. Ugly butterflies still get to eat... whatever butterflies eat. Butterfly Food Distribution Units (BFDU's) don't look at the butterflies that are eating the food and withhold it.

4. Bears eat beets.

5. Possums play dead to make other animals think they're dead. But there has to come a point with some animals where they realize that the possums aren't dead at all; that's just how they communicate "go away don't hurt me!"
5a. Same with birds. They fluff their feathers up to look bigger. I know they're not any bigger, but I also know they would say "I'll peck your eyes out if you take one more step" if they could talk.
5b. This has a lot of applications!

6. When humans get whipped cream up their nose, it doesn't come out.
6a. And it starts to smell awful.