The Law of Forsythe

Forsythe knew what he was talking about.

I was reading Cannon's blog and realized that I am entirely unable to produce readworthy words. So the least I can do for the 3 people that read my blog(you know who you are. I know who you are.) is provide some helpful information that could easify and reduce their tedious daily errands.

Information I could provide and the work I am saving people by providing it:

1. The inside scoop on what I think about people -- purchasing and planting spy cameras, mikes, and other reconnaissance shiz, plus all that wasted time sorting through the irrelevant information

2. Definitions to common yet confusing or unknown words -- embarrassment in everyday conversation, all that time sifting through an actual dictionary

3. Spice garden tips -- years of research and experience

4. These are all terrible ideas -- yeah

5. Occulent history facts and inspiring passages of text that make you want to be a better person -- a visit to Council Bluffs' blog

6. A picture of us when we went to the theater to watch Ocean's 13 -- wild card!! None of you even knew that you wanted to see it!

I may be on to something.

Some crap I learned

adapted to nature-based metaphors:

1. Bears scratch their backs on tree bark because it's abrasive. Trees can be as abrasive as they want, but it'll only make bears want to scratch their backs more.

2. There's just no pleasing some people. I mean... flowers.

3. Ugly butterflies still get to eat... whatever butterflies eat. Butterfly Food Distribution Units (BFDU's) don't look at the butterflies that are eating the food and withhold it.

4. Bears eat beets.

5. Possums play dead to make other animals think they're dead. But there has to come a point with some animals where they realize that the possums aren't dead at all; that's just how they communicate "go away don't hurt me!"
5a. Same with birds. They fluff their feathers up to look bigger. I know they're not any bigger, but I also know they would say "I'll peck your eyes out if you take one more step" if they could talk.
5b. This has a lot of applications!

6. When humans get whipped cream up their nose, it doesn't come out.
6a. And it starts to smell awful.

Imagine my joy

I saw some ugly birds today. I decided that they could only be uglier if their heads looked like Hugh Grant.

ring around the rosie
a pocket full of posies
aw shiz
aw shiz
we all fall down.

Things That Matter vs. Stupid Stuff

I'm blogging right now instead of sleeping. Blogging matters less than sleep.

I have to wake up tomorrow and get going on a bunch of stuff that matters. Then come home and do stupid stuff.

Classes matter too. But stupid stuff is more fun.

I was cleaning today and I found an item made by a person at a time when I thought it mattered.

It was a cd. And I thought it mattered. A bunch of stupid stuff replaced the stuff that mattered.

Stupid stuff sucks.

Matter is relative. What matters to one person is stupid stuff to another. Everything that matters to me is stupid stuff to someone else. Guaranteed.

Some things matter so much that I don't care who thinks it's stupid stuff. They matter.

Matter is absolute. Here's a shout-out to all those who do things that matter, even if others see it as stupid stuff. Whoop whoop.

Stupid stuff is stupid though.

If I had a prosthetic leg I would try to trick people.